Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
