once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Randomize
