When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize