$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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