well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize