I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
