I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
