i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
