awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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