I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
