So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
