Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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