I wanna passion pit in your ass
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
