I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
