Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
