Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
