I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
