I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize