Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
