So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
