I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
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