Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
