My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
