Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
