Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
