considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize