Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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