I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
