oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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