i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
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