i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
