with your own penis?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
