id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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