So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
