I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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