While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
