I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
