Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize