I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
