Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
