I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
