6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
