Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
