These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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