I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
