Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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