i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I don't deserve a penis
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
