My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
