mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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