He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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