And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
