apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
