Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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