My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
