Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
