i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
