Tell her she can't have a vagina
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
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