there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
