I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
