So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
