we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
His hands were made for my vagina.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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