I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
