Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
