Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
