Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
