Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize