How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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