The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
