the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
