I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
