the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
