She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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