They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
