just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
