i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize