I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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