Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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