loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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