Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
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