i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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