I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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