Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
It's never too late to be topless.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
