I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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