just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
