i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Randomize