Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
