shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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