We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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