one two three fourrrrnication!
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
