You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
