I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
