I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
