Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Are my feet made of real feet?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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