It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
