I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
