so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
