real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
