Your dad touched me again.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
