I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
