he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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