My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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