i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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