Me too!
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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