i'm signing you up for texting rehab
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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