weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
